The Boy Friend Project. Day 2.

In the first post, we talked to the men about what they get out of being in a friendship with a woman and how they deal with feelings that aren't reciprocated.

If you need to catch up, you can do so here. Otherwise, let's carry on.

I'll introduce you to the men again just so you can reacquaint yourself with their personalities before reading their answers;

Steve- a professional man with an unconventional look. A very creative individual with a lot of interests and many friends. Single.

Will - a serious, yet witty, very intentional person.  Highly intelligent and very honest. Married.

David - wonderfully warm and hilarious. Professional by day, Rocker by night. Married.

Justin - the youngest of the group. Very media savvy, very ambitious. In a committed relationship.

Randy - very stylish professional who likes to have a good time. Smart, charming. Married.

Hayden - a writer, a bit serious but warm hearted and a very good communicator. Single.

Scott - Smart, funny, small business owner. Very family and friend oriented. Married.

Mark - Professional writer and promoter. Great sense of style and humor. In a committed same-sex relationship.

Charlie - Creative, sensitive and scholarly. Honest  with an odd sense of humour. Single.

What goes through your mind when your female friends start to change once they enter a relationship with another guy, and you know it's going to be a turn off for her guy?
( I realize this question is a bit ambiguous. I blame it on my cousin! Even though the question may have been misinterpreted, the men's answers are still interesting )

Randy - I'm okay with that. I like to see them happy if they truly are my friend.

Hayden - Judging from past experience, he'll try to befriend me to get the inside on what works for her. I tell him what she likes in bed and either he tells me I'm correct ( always happens) or she gets pissed and tells me to take off ( never happens).

Scott - Because I hate drama, I step back a little and analyze the situation. I'm usually less harmful to her dude because I'm married with a child, I guess, and in most cases the "girl" is also friends with my wife.

Mark -Men are jealous creatures and me being gay doesn't compute with them, and a new form of  tension arises. It takes a very secure man to be involved with a woman who is in a "gayship" already. My friend was about to get married and as a part of her engagement present, I wanted her to come to Paris with me. It was all set-until her fiance discovered it was going to be just us-then everything flipped upside down. I didn't even attend the wedding.

Charlie - I'm a little confused by this question...it's best I skip it.

Steve - Same thing as when my guy friends become idiots and dodge me because of a woman. It is annoying but again, what can you do? I also have a bit of a big brother thing with a lot of women I know. I don't try, it just happens.

Will - It's like watching a train wreck. Except I've learned you are actually better to just let people crash and burn. When it comes to relationships I think that is where men and women differ. Guys seem to be a little more understanding if you address the crazy they are getting involved with, in a respectful manner. Whereas, it seems to me that women will willingly enter these relationships in hopes they can manipulate the situation. If you address this, you are only offering your head on a platter, as they already know this and don't want to be reminded.

David - I've always maintained my relationships with girl friends regardless of the situation.

Justin - I personally don't like being the one to meddle in a friend's relationship. I'm there if they want to come to me to talk about things, but I don't think it's my place to step in and pass opinion on someone else's relationship. I'm a firm believer in learning from your own mistakes. At the end of the day, the person in the relationships rarely sees things the same way that you do, as an outsider, and rather than instigate and cause friction in a friendship when they don't need me, I'd rather be there for when they do actually need me.

I say - Unfortunately, I'm opinionated. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut if I see a male friend being manipulated by a woman they are involved with. Women are far smarter than men often give us credit for and I can sense when a women my friend is involved with is playing a role. I'm a woman...I know how we work. I can sniff insincerity a mile away.  I have found that my male friends will come to me for advice, and I will gladly give them my perspective on the situation, and then they promptly do the exact opposite.  Luckily, I don't have an "I told you so" attitude, so my friendships are rarely affected by these situations.

Would you be friends with an "ex"? If so, would you make efforts to know her new dude? Do you have any good friends that are exes?

Mark - Applies - but with a twist. I'm friends with all my exes.

Charlie - I would definitely remain friends with an ex, provided the breakup was amicable. I never enter a new relationship without making sure we are friends first. I certainly won't ostracize myself from my friend's company just because she is with someone new ( unless I already know him and don't like him) but I don't know if I'd go out of my way to "buddy-up" with him. If, through hanging out, we developed a friendship, I'd welcome it.

Justin - I've had difficulties being friends with exes. I think the only time I'd want to know her new man would be for selfish reasons of self-assurance and ego boosting of the "I'm better than him" variety. Interestingly enough, I've become and maintained good friendships with more women that were one off hookups, flings or one night stands than I have with exes who were a large part of my life for longer periods of time. 

Randy - Yes, I am friends with 90% of my exes. I have no problem once the split has happened for awhile for getting to know the new dude if she wants to introduce me. I wouldn't say I go out of my way to make an effort to know the new guy. I wouldn't say I have any really close friends or good friends that are exes, currently.

Hayden - If people split up for the right reasons and are mature about it, you can't ever NOT be friends with an ex. You might need some distance, but you never lose some of the connection.

Will - I don't have any exes that are cordial. My relationships were usually pretty short as I have abrasive views that most people don't share.

David - Not really friends with an ex. More like acquaintances.

Steve - I am friends with a number of exes. Not all, but I try to be with most. In most cases I go out of my way to meet her new man. I can't say that's always the case or that I like her man.

Scott - Heck no. I think that would bring too much drama into my life.

I say - Absolutely. I am friends with most of my exes. Some of them have even become good friends with my husband. I believe that if you truly loved someone, were committed to them, shared secrets, shared a bed and a life, that it's almost impossible not to have a friendship with them, if you are mature and the relationship ended on good terms. I make an effort to get to know my ex's new companion, especially if I value his friendship. 

The answers for today's questions really were a mixed bag, particularly when discussing being friends with exes. It's interesting to note, that while a few thought being friends with an ex would cause drama, others thought it was a natural progression of a relationship.

Next:  We discuss whether men have ever befriended a women for personal gain and boundaries between friendship and non-physical intimacy.

I kind of feel like Oprah....I feel like there should be some kind of promotional commercial moment here.....

PART 3: