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| Image credit: www.psychologytoday.com |
Welcome back. When we left off, we discussed men's perspective of relationships outside the friendship and being friends with ex-girlfriends.
Hopefully you are getting familiar with the men involved, so I won't recap their "bios" but you can read back and check them out here.
Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? The men were asked this question next;
Have you ever taken advantage of a woman's friendship to get something for yourself? ( another woman, clothes, money, sex, a job, etc.)
Justin - Yes. For example, we had both gotten out of long and tough relationships and used each other emotionally and physically as a coping mechanism. Needless to say, it didn't work perfectly but it provided some sort of comfort albeit for a short time.
Randy - I am a married man now so that doesn't happen too often anymore. I don't see it as taking advantage of a woman's friendship. Sometimes those are just benefits of being friends with the opposite sex. I wouldn't say I have ever gone out of my way to become friends with a girl to hook up with another girl.
Hayden - Networking? The only way to answer this otherwise is to jump into a stereotype that plays women as the constant victim and the man as ever the animal. No thanks.
Will - That sounds sleazy, but nearly every friend will ask for help from every friend they have with it comes to those items.
David - No. I've always been able to get what I want without manipulation of the opposite sex as I'm an Adonis. I say - LOL!
Steve - No, and I would expect she wouldn't from me either but that definitely isn't the case. I mean, I've had a girl friend help me in the same way I would help her.
Scott - Nope.
Mark - Nope.
Charlie - I never have, nor have I taken advantage of anyone like that, be they man, woman or both. People aren't placed in our life to be used and abused.
I say - Absolutely not. I look at friendships, be it with men or women, as a partnership in accomplishing things together. Every person in your life fills a different need, be it emotional, physical, mental or for the purpose of networking or support. I have friends that are obvious social-climbers and I have restricted my exposure to them. I don't ever want to question someone's motives for being my friend. I certainly don't want them questioning mine either. I could never adjust my ideals to spend time with someone I didn't like to get something from them.
Where do you draw the line between friendship and non-physical intimacy?
Steve - I'm always a little flirty, but there are certain pet names I would never call a woman unless we were dating.
Scott - Lines are drawn at sexual experiences, personal financial information, and talking negatively about my wife.
Will - I'm not sure I know what non-physical intimacy is.
David - If I feel there is more than friendship about to occur, I will become odd and less available.
Randy - Usually at flirting or joking around. No touching the erogenous zones. It has happened where friends have gone over that line and it has become intimate. I'm okay with that as it is not going to make things awkward or uncomfortable between friends. Otherwise, I would prefer not to cross that line.
Hayden - Flirting is healthy. Telling secrets is a naughty habit a lot of women like to feed online. Offline, not so much. I talk about a lot of things with friends, both male and female. Emotional intimacy is a good thing. Online, it's just a facade though.
Mark - Doesn't apply. I say - This survey kind of sucks for you. We'll have to do a special same-sex type project!
Charlie - This is an interesting one because I believe it varies from friend to friend and the strength of those friendships. Non-physical intimacy can range from "harmless" flirting to "harmful" fantasies and everything in between. Some friendships are so comfortable and relaxed that the "harmless" forms of non-personal intimacy are exchanged regularly and aren't frowned upon.
Justin - I try not to analyze and dissect things too much as to draw a line. The dynamic of the relationship is established early and should it change, I'd rather not put rules in place that may hinder a good thing. Things happen for a reason and I abide to go with the flow.
I say - I tend to agree with Hayden. Women spill the beans to most friends, male or female, too soon without establishing what level of trust they have with that friend. I am a very open person. I have no problem establishing emotional intimacy with male friends, as I feel they can be trusted with my so called "secrets", mostly because they can compartmentalize things. They also don't aim to use my vulnerabilities as a tool against me, like women often do. Also, I think men hear it and then move on. I'm not saying they don't care...they just don't process it the same way. Physical intimacy is a different thing and I feel it's inappropriate to venture into that if it is going to hurt someone that you love. (ie. spouse, partner etc).
So, there you have it....some pretty good information here. Men are really interesting and have a lot of great things to say. It's no wonder I have so many great male friends! These guys are proof of that!
The next installment will see us chatting about how male-female friendships affect the significant others outside of the friendship as well as men's initial intentions when entering a platonic relationship with a woman.
See you then!
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