The Boy Friend Project. Day 5.

Although this topic can be incredibly complex and very interesting, we are almost out of questions for the men. To review questions already discussed, check back here.

I think the following 2 questions are actually really important. Women rely a lot on men to prove their friendship, and I think it's important to ask how we can be better friends to them. But first...the most important question, of all.....

Do men REALLY want to be friends with women? REALLY?

Steve - Some do and some don't. I will never turn a potential friend away. You can't have too many of them in life.

David - Yes. YES.

Mark - Nope. Sex is on the brain 24/7. Unless you're ugly--then they won't think of sex and they won't think of being your friend.

Scott - Yes, I really want to be friends with women, just like I want to be friends with a gay person, an elderly person or a very young person.

Randy - YES. REALLY. We are not always looking for sex. We can be friends with a woman and often befriend a woman for many of the reasons we've already talked about.

Hayden - All men with all women. Nope. But a few really get a kick out of spending time with a few. The rest suck.

Charlie - Honestly, I don't know. I definitely want to be friends with women. (But) everywhere you go, you still see the gross objectification of women and every conversation you hear eventually touches on the topic of "the girl I was banging last night." I hate to say it, but that's all most guys think about these days, or so it seems. So, do they want to be friends? I have to say no. 

Will - Most women I've wanted to be friends with only to get in their pants. But I didn't choose them for friends on anything other than looks.

Justin - Sure they do. Men wouldn't be able to survive with just themselves, despite what they say. I, for one appreciate all the female friends I have because they provide a perspective more rational and in tune with what is realistic and what I need to hear than what most men will say, which is emotionally charged and erratic. 

What should women know about being better friends to men? What are the qualities you look for in a friendship with a woman?

Randy - It depends on the basis of the relationship; season, reason or lifetime. I look for a woman who is a good listener, someone who is laid back, non judgmental, smart and witty. I look for someone who can teach me or offer different views on certain subjects.

Scott - Just because a guy talks about his feelings with a woman does not mean that he wants to be her boyfriend. The friendship usually happens on it's own as I am not actively looking for more friends, but when it happens it's because we like the same music, like technology, she is self employed, or I see her a lot because we are neighbors and just click.

Hayden - Acting on stereotypes is ridiculous. Not all men think a woman belching or talking about football is sexy on it's own. It's not that she likes football. It's that she's afraid to be herself and passions happen to align.

Will - Take your tops off more often. ;)

Charlie - Be patient with us. As far as we've come, we still have a long way to go. We are going to be stubborn, pig-headed, vulgar, obnoxious, and all sorts of "un-lovable" things, but you ladies have to remember we're hardwired for that. Love us for our charms and our flaws. As to what qualities I look for in a woman...stimulation and intelligence are key. I have zero tolerance for "bubbleheads". A woman ( or anyone for that matter) needs to constantly challenge me, inspire me, converse with me.

Steve - Be straight forward about what you want or expect. I just like authentically cool people.

Justin - Don't be fake. Don't be superficial. Tell us like it is. I can't speak for all men, but I can't stand a friend who acts one way with you but then talks about you behind your back. Genuineness is one of the few mandatory traits, after that the rest is up to them.

David - We all don't want to f*ck you. That's what you need to know. Qualities I look for are availabilty, good communicators, loyal and humorous people who laugh lots and enjoy life!

Mark - Don't play the delicate and confused game. That annoys me. Women are told somewhere in the 3rd grade, or in the womb, that men like a delicate and dumb gal, so they play the game to snag one. Be bold, be strong, be you. In the end, the bait and switch never works. If you're Angelina Jolie, be proud.

So, there you have it. Or part of "it" any way. Men and Women CAN be friends. And good ones, at that. Men are really pretty honest when asked what they want. I think women need to practice really hearing what men say. They are pretty straightforward, as proven by the answers these great guys have provided us with. It's important to discuss your expectations with one another to ensure you're on the same page before getting too involved in a relationship with the opposite sex.

I really want to thank everyone who read, and shared these posts through retweeting on Twitter. The feedback I did get was positive. I would encourage men and women to make a comment on your overall thoughts and any perspective or surprises you came across. The men involved took the time to be open and honest with us, I'm sure they'd appreciate your feedback, too.

I thoroughly enjoyed putting this together. If anyone has further questions, or ideas on other topics we can cover with regards to men, women, or relationships in general, please let me know!

The Boy Friend Project. Day 4.

If you've been reading along, you won't need a recap. If you do need to catch up, you can start at the beginning here.

Without further ado, let's carry on....

If you are in a commited relationship with another woman, how does she feel about your friendships with other women? How do you deal with insecurities or issues that arise?

Charlie - I've been lucky enough to have never been with a woman who was jealous of those friendships. I'm very open about my past with those I'm comfortable with and especially anyone I've been serious about. I guess that because I'm honest about it comes as a relief . It also helps that when I'm "with someone" I'm completely with them and I make sure they know it. Friends are friends, but the person I love is exactly that, and they deserve to know it every possible moment.

Justin - Trust is a big part of that and dealing with the insecurities is tough. In my mind the only way to deal with them is to reinforce why you're with the person in the first place and just make them realize how much you love them. Cliche, but trusted and proven.

Steve - I am friends with other women and exes are among them. It's never easy and my women friends don't always make it easier. In fact, I've had to ditch friends because of it.

Scott - She is 100% fine. She trusts me and I totally trust my wife when she hangs out with her guy friends. It has to go both ways.

Will - With honesty and open (unjudged) communication there should be no jealousy or insecurities.

David - I am in a committed relationship. My wife is somewhat jealous about previous relationships with other women. Friendships are different. The implied knowledge that sex did not take place makes it easier on friendships. I deal with it by introducing friends to my wife in a public setting such as a pub where anything goes and it's a calmer environment to interact.

Mark - In the gay world, exes end up becoming great friends, but honesty still applies.

Randy - I am married and my wife is okay with it most of the time, unless there are boundaries or lines that are crossed as far as intimacy goes. She also does not like me to be someone's date. I reassure her that it's strictly friends or business relationships when it comes to the opposite sex.

Hayden - She knows who I leave with at the end of the night. It's that simple.

I say - It's important for me to introduce a significant male friend to my husband as soon as possible. He is the least jealous person I have ever met, but I think introducing them to one another removes any question as to why I haven't. Because I do this, we have no issues regarding jealousy or insecurities in our relationship. If you are keeping a friendship with someone of the opposite sex a secret from your partner, you may want to ask yourself "why?".


Have you ever entered into a relationship with the intention of an emotional/physical relationship and ended up becoming just authentically good friends? Or, do you distance yourself if you don't get what you initially intended?

Scott - I've had a situation when I was single; I thought this girl was really cute and through friendship we talked about getting into a relationship but just ended up even better friends....in a weird way it worked out better to remain friends.

Randy - Yes, I have entered into a friendship looking for a physical/emotional relationship and had to settle for the really good friend once or twice. No, I don't distance myself if it isn't what I intended. Sometimes, entering into the friendship has made me realized she isn't the one I want to date so we remain friends.

Hayden - That's a wretched way to do a relationship. Always look or friends and accidentally fall in love/sleep/adventure with then few or the one. We're not in college anymore, right?

Charlie - It happened in the past...we started dating and it didn't work out too well, so we decided to remain "just friends". Just because I didn't end up with a girlfriend or lover, I was still happy with the companionship. I think that's more important, in the long run; having a companion. Everything else that could come with that is an added perk.

Justin - I entered one friendship with a girl when there was a set time frame (she was moving away) and the interest was mutual and exclusively physical. Interestingly enough, since then we've developed an incredibly strong friendship and the physical lust is non-existant. We're both in commited relationships now, and what started as some fun let to something genuine and fantastic.

Will - This has never occurred for me.

Steve - I don't set expectations. I try and see where things go. I've been friends and tried dating and gone back to friends. Again, not easy, but possible. I would say I distanced myself to gain perspective, but then we're awesome.

David -Yes. If I didn't get what I wanted I became cold and distant....that's a temporary reaction with clears my mind from desire for sexual contact so that I can engage in a meaningful relationship.

I say - I don't manipulate people. Being straight up, I would always tell someone if my intentions were more than friendships. I enter friendships with either sex because I value what that person can add to my life. It's been easy for me to turn it into friendship if the romantic feelings were not reciprocated.

Another day of great answers from the guys. I noticed that the men involved here are all really stand-up guys who seem to have all had pretty good experiences with women. I know there are men out there that deal with tremendous jealousy and insecurity from their significant others. It would be interesting to see what they have to say.

I appreciate everyone who has been reading. The feedback has been great. We do have one more post which includes the very important questions: How can women be better friends to men and do men REALLY want to be friends with women....

PART 5

The Boy Friend Project. Day 3.

Image credit: www.psychologytoday.com

Welcome back. When we left off, we discussed men's perspective of relationships outside the friendship and being friends with ex-girlfriends.

Hopefully you are getting familiar with the men involved, so I won't recap their "bios" but you can read back and check them out here.

Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? The men were asked this question next;

Have you ever taken advantage of a woman's friendship to get something for yourself? ( another woman, clothes, money, sex, a job, etc.) 

Justin - Yes. For example, we had both gotten out of  long and tough relationships and used each other emotionally and physically as a coping mechanism. Needless to say, it didn't work perfectly but it provided some sort of comfort albeit for a short time. 

Randy - I am a married man now so that doesn't happen too often anymore. I don't see it as taking advantage of a woman's friendship. Sometimes those are just benefits of being friends with the opposite sex. I wouldn't say I have ever gone out of my way to become friends with a girl to hook up with another girl.

Hayden - Networking? The only way to answer this otherwise is to jump into a stereotype that plays women as the constant victim and the man as ever the animal. No thanks.

Will - That sounds sleazy, but nearly every friend will ask for help from every friend they have with it comes to those items.

David - No. I've always been able to get what I want without manipulation of the opposite sex as I'm an Adonis. I say - LOL!

Steve - No, and I would expect she wouldn't from me either but that definitely isn't the case.  I mean, I've had a girl friend help me in the same way I would help her. 

Scott - Nope.

Mark - Nope.

Charlie  - I never have, nor have I taken advantage of anyone like that, be they man, woman or both. People aren't placed in our life to be used and abused. 

I say - Absolutely not. I look at friendships, be it with men or women, as a partnership in accomplishing things together. Every person in your life fills a different need, be it emotional, physical, mental or for the purpose of networking or support. I have friends that are obvious social-climbers and I have restricted my exposure to them. I don't ever want to question someone's motives for being my friend. I certainly don't want them questioning mine either. I could never adjust my ideals to spend time with someone I didn't like to get something from them.

Where do you draw the line between friendship and non-physical intimacy?

Steve - I'm always a little flirty, but there are certain pet names I would never call a woman unless we were dating.

Scott - Lines are drawn at sexual experiences, personal financial information, and talking negatively about my wife.

Will - I'm not sure I know what non-physical intimacy is.

David - If I feel there is more than friendship about to occur, I will become odd and less available.

Randy - Usually at flirting or joking around. No touching the erogenous zones. It has happened where friends have gone over that line and it has become intimate. I'm okay with that as it is not going to make things awkward or uncomfortable between friends. Otherwise, I would prefer not to cross that line. 

Hayden - Flirting is healthy. Telling secrets is a naughty habit a lot of women like to feed online. Offline, not so much. I talk about a lot of things with friends, both male and female. Emotional intimacy is a good thing. Online, it's just a facade though. 

Mark - Doesn't apply. I say - This survey kind of sucks for you. We'll have to do a special same-sex type project!

Charlie - This is an interesting one because I believe it varies from friend to friend and the strength of those friendships. Non-physical intimacy can range from "harmless" flirting to "harmful" fantasies and everything in between. Some friendships are so comfortable and relaxed that the "harmless" forms of non-personal intimacy are exchanged regularly and aren't frowned upon.

Justin - I try not to analyze and dissect things too much as to draw a line. The dynamic of the relationship is established early and should it change, I'd rather not put rules in place that may hinder a good thing. Things happen for a reason and I abide to go with the flow.  

I say - I tend to agree with Hayden. Women spill the beans to most friends, male or female, too soon without establishing what level of trust they have with that friend. I am a very open person. I have no problem establishing emotional intimacy with male friends, as I feel they can be trusted with my so called "secrets", mostly because they can compartmentalize things. They also don't aim to use my vulnerabilities as a tool against me, like women often do.  Also, I think men hear it and then move on. I'm not saying they don't care...they just don't process it the same way. Physical intimacy is a different thing and I feel it's inappropriate to venture into that if it is going to hurt someone that you love. (ie. spouse, partner etc).

So, there you have it....some pretty good information here. Men are really interesting and have a lot of great things to say. It's no wonder I have so many great male friends! These guys are proof of that!

The next installment will see us chatting about how male-female friendships affect the significant others outside of the friendship as well as men's initial intentions when entering a platonic relationship with a woman.

See you then! 

PART 4

The Boy Friend Project. Day 2.

In the first post, we talked to the men about what they get out of being in a friendship with a woman and how they deal with feelings that aren't reciprocated.

If you need to catch up, you can do so here. Otherwise, let's carry on.

I'll introduce you to the men again just so you can reacquaint yourself with their personalities before reading their answers;

Steve- a professional man with an unconventional look. A very creative individual with a lot of interests and many friends. Single.

Will - a serious, yet witty, very intentional person.  Highly intelligent and very honest. Married.

David - wonderfully warm and hilarious. Professional by day, Rocker by night. Married.

Justin - the youngest of the group. Very media savvy, very ambitious. In a committed relationship.

Randy - very stylish professional who likes to have a good time. Smart, charming. Married.

Hayden - a writer, a bit serious but warm hearted and a very good communicator. Single.

Scott - Smart, funny, small business owner. Very family and friend oriented. Married.

Mark - Professional writer and promoter. Great sense of style and humor. In a committed same-sex relationship.

Charlie - Creative, sensitive and scholarly. Honest  with an odd sense of humour. Single.

What goes through your mind when your female friends start to change once they enter a relationship with another guy, and you know it's going to be a turn off for her guy?
( I realize this question is a bit ambiguous. I blame it on my cousin! Even though the question may have been misinterpreted, the men's answers are still interesting )

Randy - I'm okay with that. I like to see them happy if they truly are my friend.

Hayden - Judging from past experience, he'll try to befriend me to get the inside on what works for her. I tell him what she likes in bed and either he tells me I'm correct ( always happens) or she gets pissed and tells me to take off ( never happens).

Scott - Because I hate drama, I step back a little and analyze the situation. I'm usually less harmful to her dude because I'm married with a child, I guess, and in most cases the "girl" is also friends with my wife.

Mark -Men are jealous creatures and me being gay doesn't compute with them, and a new form of  tension arises. It takes a very secure man to be involved with a woman who is in a "gayship" already. My friend was about to get married and as a part of her engagement present, I wanted her to come to Paris with me. It was all set-until her fiance discovered it was going to be just us-then everything flipped upside down. I didn't even attend the wedding.

Charlie - I'm a little confused by this question...it's best I skip it.

Steve - Same thing as when my guy friends become idiots and dodge me because of a woman. It is annoying but again, what can you do? I also have a bit of a big brother thing with a lot of women I know. I don't try, it just happens.

Will - It's like watching a train wreck. Except I've learned you are actually better to just let people crash and burn. When it comes to relationships I think that is where men and women differ. Guys seem to be a little more understanding if you address the crazy they are getting involved with, in a respectful manner. Whereas, it seems to me that women will willingly enter these relationships in hopes they can manipulate the situation. If you address this, you are only offering your head on a platter, as they already know this and don't want to be reminded.

David - I've always maintained my relationships with girl friends regardless of the situation.

Justin - I personally don't like being the one to meddle in a friend's relationship. I'm there if they want to come to me to talk about things, but I don't think it's my place to step in and pass opinion on someone else's relationship. I'm a firm believer in learning from your own mistakes. At the end of the day, the person in the relationships rarely sees things the same way that you do, as an outsider, and rather than instigate and cause friction in a friendship when they don't need me, I'd rather be there for when they do actually need me.

I say - Unfortunately, I'm opinionated. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut if I see a male friend being manipulated by a woman they are involved with. Women are far smarter than men often give us credit for and I can sense when a women my friend is involved with is playing a role. I'm a woman...I know how we work. I can sniff insincerity a mile away.  I have found that my male friends will come to me for advice, and I will gladly give them my perspective on the situation, and then they promptly do the exact opposite.  Luckily, I don't have an "I told you so" attitude, so my friendships are rarely affected by these situations.

Would you be friends with an "ex"? If so, would you make efforts to know her new dude? Do you have any good friends that are exes?

Mark - Applies - but with a twist. I'm friends with all my exes.

Charlie - I would definitely remain friends with an ex, provided the breakup was amicable. I never enter a new relationship without making sure we are friends first. I certainly won't ostracize myself from my friend's company just because she is with someone new ( unless I already know him and don't like him) but I don't know if I'd go out of my way to "buddy-up" with him. If, through hanging out, we developed a friendship, I'd welcome it.

Justin - I've had difficulties being friends with exes. I think the only time I'd want to know her new man would be for selfish reasons of self-assurance and ego boosting of the "I'm better than him" variety. Interestingly enough, I've become and maintained good friendships with more women that were one off hookups, flings or one night stands than I have with exes who were a large part of my life for longer periods of time. 

Randy - Yes, I am friends with 90% of my exes. I have no problem once the split has happened for awhile for getting to know the new dude if she wants to introduce me. I wouldn't say I go out of my way to make an effort to know the new guy. I wouldn't say I have any really close friends or good friends that are exes, currently.

Hayden - If people split up for the right reasons and are mature about it, you can't ever NOT be friends with an ex. You might need some distance, but you never lose some of the connection.

Will - I don't have any exes that are cordial. My relationships were usually pretty short as I have abrasive views that most people don't share.

David - Not really friends with an ex. More like acquaintances.

Steve - I am friends with a number of exes. Not all, but I try to be with most. In most cases I go out of my way to meet her new man. I can't say that's always the case or that I like her man.

Scott - Heck no. I think that would bring too much drama into my life.

I say - Absolutely. I am friends with most of my exes. Some of them have even become good friends with my husband. I believe that if you truly loved someone, were committed to them, shared secrets, shared a bed and a life, that it's almost impossible not to have a friendship with them, if you are mature and the relationship ended on good terms. I make an effort to get to know my ex's new companion, especially if I value his friendship. 

The answers for today's questions really were a mixed bag, particularly when discussing being friends with exes. It's interesting to note, that while a few thought being friends with an ex would cause drama, others thought it was a natural progression of a relationship.

Next:  We discuss whether men have ever befriended a women for personal gain and boundaries between friendship and non-physical intimacy.

I kind of feel like Oprah....I feel like there should be some kind of promotional commercial moment here.....

PART 3:

The Boy Friend Project. Day 1.

I feel very fortunate to have as many good male friends as I do. I sometimes feel like I have the special “password” to get into the treehouse that has a “NO GIRLS ALLOWED” sign at the top of that precarious ladder. Time spent with my male friends varies from one on one conversation over beers or lunch to hanging out listening to music and talking shop, to going for dinner with our spouses together. We talk about our common interests and have a generally good time. One thing we’ve rarely, if ever, talked about is why or how we became friends in the first place. Being a curious person, I thought it would be fun and interesting to explore the male-female friendship. I was interested to confirm or dispel some of the beliefs out there about these relationships, for instance;

-men and women can’t be friends.
-men are only friends with women because they want to sleep with them.
-men are not interested in what women have to say, unless it’s “what kind of beer can I bring you?”
-women have nothing to offer men in the way of friendship.
-you can’t be friends with exes....

Really, the list goes on and on.

I approached 12 of my closest male friends and sent them a questionnaire that was prepared by my cousin and I. I was shocked that 9 of them followed through...some very quickly and with enthusiasm. One man accused me of preparing a very “myspacey” type questionnaire. (After re-reading it, I must agree with him) A few gave me very short answers, others wrote me essays. The cross section of men I spoke to range from 20 years old to late 30s, with occupations and interests including marketing, professional designations, music, writing, teaching. Of the 9 men, 8 of them are straight and 1 is gay. Just over half are in committed relationships, while the others are single. I think we did a good job of reaching a good selection of our peers. I must say some answers surprised me, while others only enlightened what I already hoped to be true. It’s interesting to note that some of the most mature answers came from the youngest male in the group. I’ll post the answers to 2 questions per post to make these bite sized and easier to digest. I'll also give my answers to the questions, from my perspective. I welcome yours.

Before I share their answers with you, let me introduce them;
(names have been changed to ensure anonymity)

Steve- a professional man with an unconventional look. A very creative individual with a lot of interests and many friends. Single.

Will- a serious, yet witty, very intentional person. Highly intelligent and very honest. Married.

David - wonderfully warm and hilarious. Professional by day, Rocker by night. Married.

Justin - the youngest of the group. Very media savvy, very ambitious. In a committed relationship.

Randy - very stylish professional who likes to have a good time. Smart, charming. Married.

Hayden - a writer, a bit serious but warm hearted and a very good communicator. Single.

Scott - Smart, funny, small business owner. Very family and friend oriented. Married.

Mark - Professional writer and promoter. Great sense of style and humor. In a committed same-sex relationship.

Charlie - Creative, sensitive and scholarly. Honest  with an odd sense of humour. Single.

As I reviewed the answers, many of them made me laugh out loud, and some made me reflect on my ability to be a good friend.  It was obvious that some of the questions were confusing, but the answers were excellent.

Here’s what they shared;

What’s in it for you? No, really...what’s in it for you? Don’t say you want our perspective---99% of you think we are whiny, shoe shopping, demanding people...so really, what’s in it for you?

Steve: Whats in it for me is awesome conversation and the same connection I get from many of my guy friends. I have many friends that are women and I only hang out with women with attitude.

Will: I don’t have friends based on gender. I base my friends on people who have the similar ideals.

David: A different take on life. Women think completely different than men. I prefer hanging out with women as they are refreshing and easier to talk to about real life circumstances.

Justin: I’ve always had mostly female friends and because I like to talk about things, talk through feelings, issues etc., I’ve naturally gravitated towards women. I like being a male perspective they seek.

Randy: Men need to talk to women and want to understand the whiny, shoe shopping, demanding people. We want to be liked by the opposite sex, even if just on a friend level. We sometimes look for the reassurance that a female friend can provide. We also don’t need to act macho around females....they offer a perspective on fashion....offer assistance on planning and organization.

Hayden: The self-stereotyping is unfair. Most of the women I’ve met can’t be tossed into that category all of the time.

Scott: Honestly, friendship. I grew up with 8 girls. I’m quite used to the shoe shopping and demandingness. I actually get along better with women because of it and my sister is my best friend. I love shopping, probably more than my wife.

Mark: Women can be much gentler than men and sometimes I need that. I need relief from a lot of the hustle and bustle. My friendships with women provide me that “take a breath and relax” vibe.

Charlie: There is absolutely nothing in it for me, other than companionship that perfectly suits what I’ve grown up with. I’ve come to learn that women are far more likely to share all of my common interests than men are, and they’re more willing to do things other than bar-hop and drink themselves silly. Women are the total package, if you will. You gals are also easy on the eyes, and I’d be a liar if I didn’t mention that reason.

I say: I don't look for friendships with men, but I often fall into much more meaningful relationships with them. Moreso than women. I think this is for a few reasons. I am very straightforward. I say what I think and feel. I believe men are the same way ( at least with saying what they think). I adapt easily in my relationships. I can be assertive and bold with my male friends, while being soft and encouraging with my female friends, and still maintain authenticity. There is no drama with men. They don't gossip and don't get bent out of shape if one of their friends can't read their mind or support them 100%. I appreciate that. I really enjoy men's company. My male friends are funny, brilliant, talented and overall, just wonderful.

What happens when you find yourself with feelings for a “friend” and you know she’s not into you?

From the single gentlemen;

Hayden: Feelings and lust are 2 different things. I daresay that none of us truly want to be friends with somebody we wouldn’t bed at some point or other. The preferences aligning just makes the conversation come up more often. If she’s actually a friend, it’s easier to get out there. Just like being dehydrated or tired can feel the same as being hungry, having a friend who knows you well and can point out what you’re actually longing for is pretty sweet.

Mark: It doesn’t apply to me. (Obviously.... ;)

Charlie: I wear my emotions on my sleeve if I know and trust someone, so I’m a big fan of talking. Harboring feelings for someone who doesn’t return them can , and will, kill you. I’d rather be completely honest and open with someone I consider a friend, instead of letting my feelings change my behavior and, possibly, affect the nature of our friendship. There’s also a chance that opening up about your own feelings can awaken something in her. I don’t mean this as a disparaging remark but women are typically clueless about how we feel about them.

Steve: It’s happened before and it’s difficult, but what can you do? I’m still friends with those people so it must have worked out.

And from those in committed relationships (I’ve omitted their names for this answer);

- If I find I have feelings for a friend...I just push those aside to at least keep the friendship.
- It hasn’t happened, and if it did I would have to make a conscious decision to step back.
- I cannot recall an appropriate instance.
- I tell that bitch she’s not all that and is missing out on some sweet action...Just kidding. :)
-After awhile you learn to move on. Sometimes you realize the friendship is worth much more than any temporary (because that’s what it would be) relationship would be.

I say: I haven't really experienced this in my adult life. As an adolescent I would be crushed if I put my feelings on the line and they weren't reciprocated. As an adult, I've naturally engaged in romantic relationships with people who feel the same way.


So, there you have a quick introduction into the flavor of the answers these wonderful men were brave enough to share with us....

I always have believed that men and women can have meaningful relationships. I always found it interesting to be told ( usually by men that were interested in me sexually) that men only befriend women because they want to get laid. I'm glad I was right....men do want to be friends with women,  and vise-versa. Because of that we should really nurture our friendships with them as we would with our female counterparts.

I also learned that most married men are very realistic about boundaries and expectations from their friendships with women. I'm happy to say that I do align myself with men of honor, so the married men's responses simply confirmed that for me.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's questions which touch on men's perspective of relationships outside the friendship and being friends with ex-girlfriends.

I welcome your comments as we explore this further....

PART 2: